Bristle is popular (and strong)(and hardworking): Update

Armed with a latte from her countertop cappuccino machine, Zippy Trippy still asleep in the early morning hours, Bristle sits down for her morning round of Bristle-browsing.

Wow! Over 300 comments!

Tappity tap tap tap…You don’t know Bristle. She’s strong and has a high school degree and a hardworking job at the dermatologist, making lattes…tappity tappity…

I’m way more popular than my mom.

Tap tap tap…You don’t know that strong family that goes to Applebee’s. They laugh at haters. FACT.

Mom is going to be jealous that I am popular.

The blogs love me.

Kim Kardashian is so lower 48.

My new reality show about me exploring Alaska on my lunch break from my hardworking job at the dermatologist is going to be a big hit.

Mom’s show was, like, so politics and whatnot, and makin’ everybody fish and shoot and whack stuff and all, so yesterday Survivor for old people…

I mean, jeez, enough with the mama grizzly routine.

Mine will have cute guys and babies and puppies. Stuff like that.  With cool outfits.

We’ll do artsy stuff like having wine coolers on a glacier.

Going to Anchorage for shopping and dinner, with puppies.

Taking Zippy Trippy to his playgroup…

Boy it’s tough to come up with stuff…

Ah! Movin’ into my new house across the lake!

That could be two episodes…

Better get the Zipper Tripper ready for the nanny. Big day workin’ for the dermatologist for a few minutes before I leave town again for the 3rd time this week…

Update: I have closed the comments on this post. While Bristle certainly provides much fodder for parody, I prefer to keep it light and silly, without any of the brutal picking away at her that goes on elsewhere. And this site is not a place to talk about Levi the parent, politics ala Palin, or what the Palins have done to other people. This site is about humor, not gossip or speculation or bitching. Faced with having to edit comments or simply not allow them through, I have chosen to simply close the comment section for this post. Please take this post for what it is:  a not-too-cruel parody of a certain young woman with issues.

Twit

tap tap tap tap tappity tap tap tap

tappity tap tap tappity tappity tap tap tap

Sarah Palin@SarahPalinUSA:

Good work, media. My ’07 “divorce” email was a joke mocking you for making up divorce rumors. Keep up the, er, credibility-building efforts!

Sarah: That’ll fix ‘em!

Voice of “friend” who has known Sarah a long time and therefore loves her bunches, unlike those immature haters who don’t know her. The “friend” is doing her monthly stamp-licking because she loves Sarah and loves Sarah’s PAC money: Uh…Sarah…there wasn’t really any media around in 2007,  unless you count that Ear lady at ADN. Those divorce rumors in 2007 were coming from your neighbors and the spa people, mostly. And that bitch at the coffee shop.

Sarah: Did that Ear lady say something about me and Tawd? Did we threaten her? 2007 was ages ago and I’ve had to threaten all those other people, bein’ proactive and whatnot, there, and, ya know, they were attacking me and spreadin’ rumors all over about this and that stuff, also.

Voice of “friend”:  I don’t remember, but if you keep poking the media about divorce rumors they are going to notice that you are blaming them for rumors that happened before they were swarming all over the place.

Sarah: Being famous like me before that McCain crap, those Obama operatives, with their Alinsky notes, they were here back then, you betcha, sneakin’ around, knowin’ that I was gonna get tapped and wouldn’t blink, they were sneakin’, there, about this, and got those neighbors and haters to say stuff about me and Tawd, you betcha, way back then, and it was creepy, just sayin’.

Sarah: I know they did that, bein’ that they wanted to do frivilous ethics charges, which they made these Alaskans, there, do for them, and Tawd, well they probably followed him around and made up stuff. It was creepy I’ll bet, you betcha.

Voice of “friend”: That may well be, but I’m just saying that if you are thinking about running for anything, you don’t want the media back up here snooping around about divorce rumors in 2007.

Sarah: Unflippin’believable for them to do that. They are all Obama operatives.

Voice of “friend”: Just cool it with the twittermocking and maybe they won’t notice the dates.

Sarah: I’ve got ‘em so pussy-whipped they will never get cojones to be sneakin’ around here makin’ up rumors before I even get tapped for Energy Secretary.

Sarah: They’re too lamestream. They won’t notice. Time for my crunchwrap.

Sarah: But you better go over to that blog and make sure they know they are wrong about this, there.

Voice of “friend”: That’s not really working out so well…

Sarah: Well keep on it! I can’t pay that creepy stalker woman anymore to do it because she keeps sending me creepy emails and hinting about me having Tawd and his buddies build her a room in the studio building. Now finish the envelopes before Piper gets home from her night janitor job at the spa.  I need to finish this food so I can puke before she gets here, and you are slowing me down.

 

The Perils of Plastic

OzMud found this for me. It looks like a Mariel Clayton, but not one I’ve seen before. Too detailed to be a knockoff copycat.