Loose ends

Please share after laughing

And don’t forget to notice what the first letter of each paragraph spells out.


A Christmas Story

Originally posted on The Perils of Plastic:

On a warm morning in late September, a bouncing baby boy barbie was born. Mary and Joseph, the happy parents, had had to stop at an old grotto barn in the Judean Hills  because Mary’s water broke before they got to Bethlehem for the Carpentry Conference. The baby wasn’t due for a couple of weeks, and Bethlehem wasn’t far from home, so the couple thought they could fit in the conference. Baby boy barbie had other plans. Mary was going to miss the annual Carpenters’ Wives Potluck, and, as president of the CWA, her usual rousing speech would be missed. Joseph would be missing the windowsill workshop he had been looking forward to, but babies come when they decide to, and the hospital in Bethlehem was kind of scruffy anyway.

Lucky for them, Mary and Joseph encountered Myrrhy along the road to Bethlehem, and he told them his old barn…

View original 911 more words

Pardon the mess

Happy Turkey Day!!

I don’t think it’s changed me at all, I have the same values and convictions and, and positions and policies, um, just a greater appreciation I think for what other candidates go through, you know it’s pretty brutal, that the, the time consumption there and the, um, the energy that has to be spent in order to get out and about with the message on a national level, great appreciation for other candidates who’ve gone through this but also, uh, just a great appreciation for this great country.

There are so many Americans who are just desiring of their country to just get out of the way and let their businesses grow and progress, so great appreciation for those who share that value, and it was a blast, every day was just a blast out there on the trail.

Reporter: Any other future plans for office?

Um, ya know, plans just include, uh, gittin’ through, uh, the budget process that we’re going through right now, building the state’s budget based on, uh, the price of oil that has plummeted so greatly and reining in the growth of government and, uh, uh plans LIKE THAT having to do with uh, helping to govern this state and building this team that, uh, is continually being built to provide good service to Alaskans, so in my role as governor, that, that’s what my plans are all around.

Reporter: Speaking of declining oil prices are you concerned about any state programs on the chopping block?

You know thankfully we’re in a good position still, fiscally speaking we’re in a good position, but, it, made no sense that a hundred and forty dollars a barrel oil, that, that some lawmakers wanted to spend spend spend, we were warning them then the administration was that we had to prepare for the day that the price of oil would plummet which of course it has done.

So we have prepared then, reined in the growth of government then, and we will, um now, uh, uh that comes into play at this point, where the savings we had set aside, forward funding, anticipating the drop in oil, uh, accounting for that, all that comes into play now, at fifty dollars a barrel.

Reporter: Great! So why was today so important to you for…?

Aaaoohhhwww…well this was, this was neat. I was, uh, happy to get to be invited to participate in this and, and uh, you know, it’s, it’s for one, you need a little bit of levity in this job, especially with uh, so much that has gone on the last couple of months that has been so, um, political obviously, that it’s nice to get out and , and do something to promote a local business and, and to uh, just participate in something that isn’t so heavy-handed politics that it invites criticism….Certainly we’ll probably invite criticism for even doing this too but at least this is fun.

Reporter: And what is it that you’re thankful for this year?

Blah blah thankful blah family blah

Track blah Iraq blah blah

Trig blah blah thankfulness blah blah Alaska blah Alaska blah blah…

blah blah food

tradition blah blah Alaska

blah blah friends family Alaska blah

Reporter: What are you gonna cook for Thanksgiving?

I-I-I’ll be in charge of the turkey…




Exorcisms aren’t like they used to be



By Joey Kennedy | jkennedy@al.com
Email the author | Follow on Twitter
on September 22, 2014 at 7:30 AM, updated September 22, 2014 at 7:34 AM

We have personified our pets. Our dogs, cats, other companion animals have been made almost human. By us. We treat them like family members — because they are family members. They cheer us, they warm us, they are our children. Not humans, but not simply animals, either.


  • About the writer
    Joey Kennedy, a Pulitzer Prize winner, focuses on animal issues for the Alabama Media Group. He is also a community engagement specialist for AL.com. He can be reached at jkennedy@al.com.
  • Read more
    See more by Joey Kennedy

I came down our stairs Sunday, and found Greta, our first pug, dead. She was halfway down the stairway, lying peacefully where she died. I wailed. She was my dog. I picked her out the day she was born, from a fuzzy photo from her breeder. Veronica and I visited her when she was four weeks old. We claimed her at eight weeks, and brought her back to Birmingham from her Louisiana kennel.

Greta. A sweeter soul could not be found. When we got her home, she was so puppy. Chewing our chairs, the corners of our walls, tearing our wallpaper. Greta. Scampering across the floor, smushed face and all, making sure we knew she existed.

Oh, she existed, all right. She thrived. She knew when I was sad, and would plop down on my belly, bright-eyed and profound. “Don’t you be sad, Daddy. I’m here for you.”

Greta. She aged gracefully, if not elegantly. She grayed, her face pinched, her teeth so pug. She lost her sight. Then her hearing. But she still enjoyed giving me sloppy face baths. She loved for me to give her belly blows. Yes, I gave her belly blows. Oh, if I could give her one now.

Greta traveled with us across the country. She enjoyed the beach. She would splash into the surf at Ocrakoke or Gulf Shores. We had to keep her on a long leash or she would have gladly gone to play with the fishes.

Greta. When in 2002 I decided I wanted a dog, I researched so many breeds. Labs and German Shepherds. Labrodoodles and Rottweilers.

At first, I wanted a dog that would stand guard. A dog that, as I told Veronica, would rip your throat out if you deserved it. I kept searching. And I kept searching. And when all was said and done, after all the searching and research was done, I decided on a breed that does nothing but sit in your lap. Smiles up at you. Eats. Always eats. Sleeps. Sleeps a lot. Snores. Snores a lot. It’s a good snore. It was a pug.

Greta was my daughter. She was there for me when I came home after a hard day at work. She greeted me at the door. She told me how she conquered a Kong that day. She told on Maxine, our cat, who had done something or another.

Greta. She gave us her best. She graciously accepted all the other pups we brought into our home. The fosters to adopt, and the foster-fails. She would share her spirit, but never her treats or her food. Our other dogs kept their distance from Greta when she was eating. They knew Greta was not going to share her kibble. And they knew the penalty if they tried. But she was never jealous of those pups. She accepted them, and they accepted her.

On this past Saturday night, Greta, 12 years and two months old, played as usual. She enthusiastically ate her meal, and rolled over on the bed, wanting a belly-blow and to lick a face. She was so pug. She was so Greta.

My lap is empty now. Greta is gone.