Monthly Archives: February 2011

Pretty soon, pretty soon…Updated

My mother used to tell her dog, “Pretty soon, pretty soon” when she left the dog in the car. I’m going to borrow her phrase temporarily. I just got back to town and haven’t set up my next photo shoot. My sister is sending me a new Ken to Tawdify, and I also started Tawdifying my GI Joe. The PWF match is first on my to-do list.  I’m also thinking I’m going to have to whip out an Iron Dog episode too. Tawd may think nobody sees him do that less-than-ethical stuff during the race, but he’s never seen how many Barbies I can hide behind snowbanks.  I leave the manuscript kerfuffle to the other blogs.

Anyway…pretty soon, pretty soon!

Update:

Here are some pictures of my wrestling ring. I will be ready to shoot tomorrow, after I put new batteries in my camera.

I assemble my raw materials.

Gotta love duct tape.

The PWF logo.

Another shot of the finished ring.

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PWF

Sneak preview of the competitors in the new Palin Wrestling Federation.  I will be doing a wrestling match between all of my Scarahs and Tawds, past, present, and future.

BarbieQ break

A friend of mine caught the Barbie bug a while back. After he scored major Barbieage at an auction and yard sale, he took this picture and sent it to me. Thanks, Maurice! I’ll take mine with cheese!

My latest Scarah and Tawd: Updated

I’m still looking for an old painted-on-hair Ken doll to be my Tawd, because the hair style is more like Tawd’s hair, but the new ones have “real” hair.  I got another one of those, and this time I taped off his face and neck to avoid getting sharpie all over him. The hair is too straight, but right now I’m just working with what I have. The bonus with the new Tawd is that he is bendy. Bendy is good.

The new Scarah is the one a friend of mine found for me. Her hair is a little dark, and rather too fluffy (Stop fluffing, Bristle!), but I did a better job on her face, and she is bendy and little-footed for in-person scenes.

Note the overly fluffed hair.  Don’t quit your day job, Bristle. Oh yeah, what day job?

Tawd is getting a hair makeover. I wonder if they do those at the All About You Spa.

I  gave Scarah some gold highlights to help with the overly dark hair.

They are both bendy.  Note the long, bony hands on Scarah.

I did a little more work on Tawd.  Still not even close to my original Tawd. Dang!

Here’s my original Tawd.

Bristle’s “memoirs”: Round 1; Update

See link for Round 2 at the end of this post.

Bristle decided one day, with some help from mom, that she had experienced all the important stuff except for more money and babies, and had done much more than any other 20 year old ever had, so it was time to write her life story.  Sarah™ called the ghostwriter rental place and had them send over somebody to work with Bristle, then left to go progress her brand. When the ghostwriter showed up, Bristle invited her into the Beige Room for their first consultation.

Okay, Bristle, why don’t you tell me a little bit about this book you want to write and then we’ll do a little brainstorming to get the ideas flowing.

Well, um, you know, I’ve done lots of stuff, you know, in my life, and, um, so I’m going to write my memoirs, you know, about me, and stuff.

Your memoirs?

So… tell me a little about your life and how you might want to tell your story. I want to get a sense of  your “voice” and a feel for the sort of life you’ve led.

um…welllll, when we were little, lots of years ago, my brother, Traintrack, used to, um, pick on me. He locked me out of the house in my socks. He sucks. And, um, my little sister Peeper is a jerk. A total tattletail, I mean, like, AWFUL and sneaky and always takin’ my lipstick.

So, your relationships with your siblings should be an important part of your memoirs?

Oh, no way! They’re boring! I mean, come ON! They just, um, really really made it hard to do stuff, and, um, were always telling on me.

My memoirs should be about how I’m so famous and stuff and how the haters are jealous.

Because they aren’t famous dancers like me and they suck.

I’m a speaker, um, too, and I’m a Candies too, um, I mean, I’m their model, uh role model for babies, um, not having babies.

I can write about Tripper and how he’s such a great mistake and cute and the nannies are just because I work so hard and stuff and most single moms who, uh, work hard like me, um, well they have nannies too for even not as many babies, but, um, I can’t talk about Trail and True Grit, you know, because.

Because why?

Well, um, you know.

Okaaaayyy… no siblings, no Tarps, uh, Tweets, what you said. Why don’t we brainstorm a little? We’ll just toss out ideas and you list them on your computer.

Okay! How do you think of ideas?

Just think about the most memorable moments of your life and use one or two words to describe them.

Okay…um, um, boyfriends! I’ll put that down!

b-o-y-f-r-e-i-n-d-s. Okay, cool, got something down. I can give the middle finger to Levi.

Okay, boyfriends were important in your life. What else?

ummm… babies! Those kind of go with boyfriends though.

And, um, DWTS! Lots of haters to give the middle finger to.


And my chin!

Your chin?

Yes, I, um, oh wait, no, I can’t talk about that.

No, of course not.

Don’t I have a pretty chin and neck?

See?

I, um, can’t think of anything else…oh, wait! I can talk about my mom’s show! I, uh, had to hit a fish and shoot stuff. It was really dumb. And some bitch put up a sign about my mom.

I can give her the middle finger.

This is really hard work.

Maybe you should spend some time working on your list and we can meet again to rough out some chapter ideas.

You mean keep trying to think stuff up?

This is way harder than mom said it would be! YOU were supposed to think stuff up and write it, not me! Bah!

My job is to put your memories and thoughts into words and make it sound like you wrote it. Come on, pick up the computer and let’s meet again.

Please. Let’s both think of how to approach your story and start over at our next meeting.

No, this sucks! Just because Peeper has been writing her memoirs instead of going to school doesn’t mean I have to do this. I want to do fun stuff and get a tan, not write stupid stuff.

sigh.


Hasta la Vista, Baby!

They don’t pay me enough for this.

Bristle’s Memoirs, Round 2

Those Wacky Palinizers at Fox

Who are Sarah’s favorite go-to Palinstream Media buddies? Why, Greta and Sean of course! When Sarah needs to rant in person instead of through her ghostwriter, she goes straight to her softball team at Fox.

Greta likes to ask the “tough” questions, about Trig and Tawd and sundry scandals. But we can count on Greta to accept whatever Sarah says, so it is just another setup for Sarah to go off on the lsm and pajama-clad bloggers, not to mention left-wing anti-American liberals, people telling her to shut up, and pretty much the entire world. Greta nods and beams while Sarah rants.

When Sarah really wants easy questions, she goes straight to Softball Sean, her most beloved talking head. Sean tosses her the gentlest of pitches, all in that squeaky, little-boy voice that makes you wonder if a dog bit his balls when he was a kid.

I haven’t bothered to bring BillO in on this lovefest because we all know that Sarah doesn’t like him. He is a total meany. He’s always interrupting her and correcting her. VERY annoying. Bad BillO!

Tonight we have one of our favorite guests, former governor Sarah Palin. Governor Palin, always a pleasure to have you here.

Thank you, Greta. It’s always nice, compared to, you know, the lamestream media, to be welcomed to this place here, with you, who is not lamestream, so that I can get my message out to these fine Americans, God bless our military, and refudiate those corrupt bastards with no cojones who say my Tawd is a pimp, and, I have to tell you, the left hasn’t seen Tawd without his shirt on or they would say dang, he’s the rill dill,  but they spread these lies, you know they could just ask Tawd and that would be great but these bloggers just keep makin’ stuff up that gets me all blood libely.

Governor Palin, I totally agree with you that Tawd is dang material. Do you plan to announce a run for the presidency?

Well Greta, I’ve been prayin’ and brayin’ about that, because, as you know, there isn’t a voice out there for those rill Americans who don’t want me to sit down and shut up, and Ronald Reagan, bless his heart, called me from heaven and said, “Sarah, we need you,” and my gutteral instinct tells me that Ronald Reagan was the smartest person ever, in, um, the world and everywhere, and my commonsense conservatism, because I’m not a victim like those left-wing anti-Trig women, that, well, you see, also, I will be there if there aren’t Republicans with cojones because Obama wants to transform us into victims and whiny babies and they want to abort all our Trigs.

Thank you, Governor Palin. Great to see you again.

Thank you, Greta! I’m sending you some patriotic Spudnuts since I used up all of my daddy’s moose for that chili I made had Piper make.

Good Evening! Tonight we have with us former Governor Sarah Palin. Governor Palin! Welcome back!

Thank you so much for having me here, Sean.

Governor, the left has been attacking you nonstop since that congresswoman was shot. Do you think that is fair?

Well Sean, the lamestream media only knows how to attack, just like those tiny actresses and that fat guy who always blames conservatives for everything. You and I, Sean, we know, here in rill America, that the left is all about being victims, and really mean too, also, always makin’ stuff up and attacking my children. They don’t care that Bristol is SUCH a hard workin’ mom, bless her, she’s right here off camera ready to fluff my hair, and that Piper is working on her PhD at home, and Tawd, dang, couldn’t be with that prostitute because I keep him locked in my iron pussy.

Governor, you are SO right about the lamestream media. If I weren’t here to give you a fair and balanced ass kissing, you wouldn’t have a decent place to refudiate those bad lefties.

Sean, I SO get what you mean. I will NOT sit down and shut up. Wanna see my Wonderbra?