Place your bets! The final round in this great battle is about to begin. Zomboni vs Zomboni in a fight to the death! On the one hand we have Scarah, that frozen pus from the netherworld of psychotic bitches. She’s ready to dish out icy revenge for Tawdry’s wandering ways and lack of appreciation for the honor of carrying her purse. On the other hand we have Iron Dog Zomboni himself, badass bully of the backcountry, who dreams of driving a snowmachine into his wife’s flapping pie hole. The grudge-holder and the bully, locked in mortal combat! Who will survive, and who will be pitched into the flaming hell of has-been tabloid celebrity? Let the battle begin!
The Zombonis step into the ring, and the crowd goes wild!
Zomboni! Zomboni! Fight to the Death!!
Scarah and Tawdry leap for each other’s throats!
It’s a deadly embrace!
Scarah attempts to dig her teeth into Tawdry’s neck!
The crowd roars!
Tawdry fights back and shoves Scarah off balance!
Scarah struggles to regain her balance as Tawdry pushes his advantage!
Scarah is on the ropes! The crowd goes wild!
Scarah fights off Tawdry’s grasp!
She launches herself at Tawdry!
The crowd screams as Tawdry struggles!
Tawdry heaves Scarah back and she crashes to the mat! The crowd is on its feet, roaring and stomping!
Scarah is having trouble focusing her eyes!
Tawdry yanks her off the mat and swings her overhead! The crowd gasps at his strength!
He smashes Scarah to the mat!
Whoa! He stabs her with that metal rod! He must have hidden it in his pants!
The crowd goes wild as Tawdry jams the rod into Scarah’s head!
Ding Dong the Witch is Dead!!!!
And the crowd rejoices!
The crowd screams as bloody Tawdry raises his arms in victory!
OMG!! The crowd gasps as another competitor leaps into the ring and delivers a deadly blow! Blood sprays the crowd!
As Tawdry’s blood pours out, he cries, “Why??” The crowd screams, “Whyyy????”
“I’ll tell you why,” screams The Babysitter! “Tawdry said he would fix my roof forever, but the next leaky roof that walked by him, he was off sniffing tar!!” The Babysitter jammed the rod deeper into Tawdry’s throat.
“Fix her roof! Fix her roof!” yelled the crowd.
“I will fix my own roof!” screamed The Babysitter as Tawdry fell to the mat.
“Should….have…………..had…………………..buddies…………help…,” whispered Tawdry with his dying breath.
“Free at last, free at last, thank God Almighty, I’m free at last!!”
“Free to die by my hand, you mean!” yells the baby who suddenly leaps out of the audience!
Baby chokes off her air and eats into her brain! “You kept me hidden in your purse! Mom is next on my list!” The crowd is stunned to silence. Then the crowd goes wild!
The Babysitter will not get to write a book.
Who is this baby???? Trig? Ruffles? Tripp? Trail? Tarp? Tamale? Tangerine?
“I am True Grit,” the Baby announces. And the crowd rejoices! Much rejoicing!
“My memoirs will be out early next year.”