A Bun’s Tale: Bristle’s Memoir, Round 2

After Bristle had a hissy and sent the first ghostwriter packing, the ghostwriter rental agency scrambled to find a suitable replacement. In the break room, the agency ghostwriters drew straws to see who would get stuck with Bristle. Hapless Baghead drew the short straw.

“Oh no,” thinks Hapless Baghead. “I’m going to end up in North Dakota like the last ghostwriter.”

“I hate cold winters.”

Desperate thoughts continue to bounce around Hapless Baghead’s brain as she is seated in the beige room. She asks Bristle to update her on her progress.

“So, how far along are you?”

“Four mo–um, I mean, I have some ideas.”

“Okaaaay…”

“How far along are you with your manuscript?”

“I have a title now, and some chapter stuff.”

Not Afraid of Life

“Kinda lame, huh?”

“To be afraid or not to be afraid! THAT is the question!”

“I need my own reality show. Mom is so lame compared to me.”

“Married, With Babies.”

“Me and Gino and the kids, makin’ money and dressing really awesome.”

“We will win an Oscar.”

“What are your chapter ideas? Maybe we can start there.”

“Well, they want me to talk about being a teenage slut and mom makin’ me hold Trig when I was a muffin top. That’s all like, uh, sucks and stuff, but I do want to nail that fucker Levi. I can’t believe he did Kathy Griffin. I mean, like, ewww, she’s old and stuff.

“You will have a chapter about Levi?”

“Oh totally! Maybe several! He’s such a douchebag. I mean, like, a total fag. I am so giving him the middle finger in the middle of my book. You know he actually thought I should use my magazine and dance money for Tripp? pffft! What an asshole.”

Ceiling Cat drops in. What? You didn’t think Ceiling Cat had a body?

The Furry Serpent considers eating the cast.

“Where were we…?”

“Yeah, Levi is a douche and mom will pull out Kathy Griffin’s hair.”

 

“I don’t think that Levi humper even has any babies.”

“I have babies.”

“Babies are what I do best.”

“Are you going to do a chapter about babies?” (Ceiling Cat is considering beaming to a better reality)

“What?…oh, well I’m going to do a chapter about hard workin’ single mom. Maybe two. I could use some quotes and stuff. Mom taught me that. Makes more pages.”

 

“What is the title about?”

“Ya know, I, um, asked them the same thing and they were like, all, well you chose life and stuff. Lame. Mom made me.”

“I mean, it’s cool when you have lots of money for nannies, cuz, um, people pay for you to talk for ten minutes and I get to fly around and stay in nice hotels. Fuckin’ love the hotels.”

“I’m gonna do at least 9 babies, cuz you have to have a lot for a reality show. That’s where the big money is you know. ”

“I’ll need a bigger house.”

“My dad and his buddies can build a fence around it.”

“Ya know? I don’t need the book right now. Buns are better than books.”

“Yeah, middle finger to the book.”

“You weren’t much help. Mom’s gonna be pissed.”

“I’ll tell the agency it’s your fault I had to give up on the book for now.”

“You know the way out. Keep your hands off my beige silverware.”

“Married, With Babies.”

“Gino’s gonna love it!”

“North Dakota…brrrrrrrr…”

“I should make mom write the stupid book. It was her idea. She can’t knit anyway.”

“Time for Facebook.”

 

“Yo, Gino! Let’s get pizza!”

“Wanna touch my bun?”

 

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12 responses to “A Bun’s Tale: Bristle’s Memoir, Round 2

  1. Ha Ha OMG, poor baghead. Glad I got caught up. I didn’t know about Gino.

  2. 4 months huh?

  3. I bet if Tawd comes down to build a fence around her house, he will also too find some roofs to fix in Bristle’s neighborhood.

  4. This is too cool. Love it.

  5. Esmeralda Sapphire Penny-loafer

    Deeeeeeeeeeeeeeelicious!

  6. Pingback: Bristle’s “memoirs”: Round 1 | The Perils of Palins

  7. She’s such a Bratz.

  8. Priceless! This will bring Krusty forth spewing her….whatever she spews!

    • Krusty and other trolls are not allowed in PlasticLand. I throw them in the trash with the maggots for a few days and then delete them when I am done enjoying their inability to spew their garbage around here. Please do not even bring her name up. Mentions of her will be held in moderation from now on. NOT allowed. This is a completely troll-free site.

  9. A troll-free site? Seriously? YEEESSSSSSSS!!!! Oh wait. What about their free speech rights that our soldiers are protecting? Can we keep their rights for us? They’re better than ours. Oh yippee, happy day!!

  10. These vignettes are hilarious! You are so spot on! I love ceiling cat! I don’t have one of those, but I have a 25# cat hat who perches on my head when I’m propped up in bed.

    I feel much safer knowing ceiling cat is keeping an eye on the miscreants in your play. Do you ever crush the trolls into a ball and let her play with them on the tile floor?

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