Wendy Waitress gets stiffed

Wendy: Hello, and welcome to Eduardos! I’m Wendy and I’ll be your server today.

Wendy: In addition to the lunch menu your hostess left with you, we have two specials today. We have a seafood and mango ceviche served on a bed of butter lettuce, and a grilled sea bass with fruit salsa. Do you need more time to decide?

Anonymous Blonde: I’ll have the ceviche special, thank you. It sounds delicious.

Wendy: I think it is one of the chef’s best specials. He makes it a lot because people request it. I hope you enjoy it.

Sarah: Give me the nick-swah salad and another diet Dr. Pepper.

Wendy:  Very good. I’ll have your drink refill right out.

Wendy: Enjoy our lovely patio view while the chef prepares your meal.

Sarah: Snooty waitress.

Anonymous Blonde: The food sounds good.

Sarah: We’ll see.

Wendy: Here is your lunch. Is there anything else I can get you?

Anonymous Blonde: It looks great. I have everything I need, thanks.

Sarah: I’ll need another diet Dr. Pepper pretty soon.

Wendy:  I’ll bring another refill shortly. Enjoy your lunch, ladies.

Sarah: *eyeroll*

Sarah: This isn’t a nick-swah salad! Denny’s makes a one better. Where is that waitress?

Sarah: Waitress!

Wendy: Is something wrong with the salad?

Sarah: Yes, this is not a nick-swah salad. It’s some sort of hotty totty mess. Take it back. I’d like some chicken fingers instead. I assume your hotty totty chef can make lowly chicken fingers?

Wendy:  I’m sorry the nee-swahz salad isn’t to your liking. I will take it back and have the chef make you some chicken fingers.

Sarah: You’d think a fancy place like this could get a salad right.

Wendy: We do our best. I’ll have your drink refill right out and the chicken fingers shouldn’t take long.

Sarah: Tell the cook to throw on some french fries too.

Wendy: I will do that. Can I get you ladies anything else?

Sarah: No, just hurry up because I’m starving.

Sarah: That waitress is a snooty bitch.

Anonymous Blonde: Don’t you think you are being kind of hard on her?

Sarah: No! These people, there, here, all seem to have their noses in the air. I guess waiting on rich people makes you some kind of hotty totty servant.

Wendy: Here are your chicken fingers and fries, with another drink refill. I hope they are to your liking. Just let me know if they aren’t, or if you need anything else.

Sarah: Now the bitch is brown-nosing for a tip. Fat chance.

Sarah: These people have such a sense of entitlement also. I waitressed once, there, in Alaska, for a week, and flippin’ Piper could do it.

Sarah: I’ve had better chicken fingers at Denny’s. These look like they belong in some fancy schmancy Japanese restaurant. And it’s those lame fries with the peels on.

Sarah: A penny will steam her.

Anonymous Blonde:  I thought the ceviche was great.

Sarah: Well all I got was a snooty waitress and some crappy fries.

Sarah: Let’s get the hell out of this hotty totty dump.

Wendy: Hmmm…no surprise there.

Wendy: Such a charming woman. Not.

Wendy: If she comes here again somebody else can serve her.

Wendy: Oh nice! The other lady was much nicer.

Wendy: I’ll bet this lady doesn’t come here again with THAT woman.

Wendy: I’m glad that most of my customers are nice. I should tell somebody about Nick-swah Palin. She deserves to be outed.


11 responses to “Wendy Waitress gets stiffed

  1. Yup you nailed it.

  2. Good work! I was hoping Grifter Granny would end up with cactus sticking out of her back, though.

  3. You are a treasure–I so need to keep trying to laugh at these people, although after yesterday’s motorcycle mama soft-porn RT coverage, it’s getting very, very hard. This was even worse than her Belmont appearance last summer.

    Have you alerted Gryphen as to your above effort? No one in his readership would want to miss this. I wonder…did Wendy ever show up again?


  4. Perfect! Although the doll’s wig is much better coiffed than Sarah’s.

  5. NancyDrew had a bright idea — I’d love to see your Caribou Barbie on a motorbike, “ridin’ bitch” as they say.

  6. VirginiaVoter

    Fantastic…you have a very special talent.

  7. Former Republican

    Thanks for the laugh! I love all the tiny details in this.

  8. Too funny!! I love it!

  9. Esmeralda Sapphire Penny-loafer

    As usual, you have nailed the nuances. I bet $arah got lots of penny tips when $he was a waitress for a week. $he’s such a projector.

    Thanks for the smiles!

  10. Reblogged this on The Perils of Plastic and commented:

    Remember Wendy Waitress?

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