Monthly Archives: July 2011

Sarah’s Newsweek photo shoot after a couple of wine coolers

Who else thinks Sarah the bitch is too tightly wound and needs some wine coolers? Let’s blame this drunken shoot on Willow swapping out mom’s diet Dr. Pepper. Willow gets blamed for everything anyway. And she obviously spiked the cameraperson’s iced tea also, too.

Look at me! I’m Superman!


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Newsweek Sarah

Sarah is such a nasty person that she tends to get us riled up and mad. But there is that other side of Sarah. The comedy side. The unintentional comedy gold. The famous turkey pardoning was one of those. It still makes me giggle madly. In fact, I need to reenact that particular episode.

But more recently we were subjected to Sarah’s Newsweek photo shoot. On one level, the photos and the arrogant word salad leave you stunned at the trainwreck that is Sarah. On the other hand, this kind of thing sets off the giggles again.  So when that woman is at her hateful worst, remember that she really is just a plastic barbie in the bushes.

Paul Revere and the Bus

What if, instead of Paul Revere warning the colonists about the British, he instead was warning us about the Palin Bus? This modern version could play out in different ways. Below are alternate scenarios for Paul Revere and the Bus.

The Bus is coming! The Bus is coming!

Paul was a big man.

Not big enough.

Another one bites the dust.

The Palin Bus doesn’t stop for mere history.

The wheels on the bus go round and round.

Just a speed bump.

Follow the Bus at http://www.sarahpac.com.

Sigh. Paul Revere reduced to a historical “foot”note.

 

Well that was depressing.  I have a better idea.

The Bus is coming! The Bus is coming!

Die Hard!!

Paul wrestles the Bus as it careens down the road!

The Bus driver swerves madly in a failed attempt to throw Paul off the Bus!

Paul doesn’t lose his grip! The Bus is out of control!

Crash! Paul leaps clear and the Bus skids to a stop!

Woohoo!

One Nation for ALL of us! Not just the crazies!

Thanks folks. Just doing my civic duty. Speaking of which, I’m off to jury duty. USA! USA!

And the country rejoiced. Much rejoicing. Don’t forget to vote.

Behind the scenes at Perils: Bubble wrap and masking tape: Update

While the purchasing department handles furniture, clothing, and accessories, I generally have to do my own body modifications. I use everything from actor’s putty and sharpies to bubble wrap and masking tape. Masking tape is my primary tape.  It has a variety of uses.  I have recently figured out several uses for bubble wrap. I still haven’t tried using it as a bumpit, as my sister suggested, but I will. The photos below show the usefulness of bubble wrap and masking tape.

These are the dolls I used for Bristle’s book signing.

Notice how the bubble wrap gives a very natural preggers belly.

A lot more realistic than a square couch pillow.

Depending on how I tape it, the bubble wrap can be rounder or flatter.

The mystery of Sarah’s incredible shrinking and swelling breasts is explained! Bubble wrap!

It gives a natural swell, just like a water bra.

I needed a way to make her boobs bigger without increasing her general body size. After all, it’s her anorexic body combined with the Wonderbra that makes old men drool.

I am forever trying to round out Bristle, because Barbies more accurately reflect mom’s obsessive thinness, not Bristle’s 20-something plumpness. The downside is that it reduces her wardrobe choices significantly.

I made RAM out of a weird gladiator Ken doll. I had to fatten her up, give her some boobs, and eliminate the 6-pack abs.

I can’t really capture that full-bodied look that Bristle has, so it is mostly a matter of removing the excess slimness and  giving her a bit of a belly, which she tends to have. RAM needed some toilet paper to round her out.

Perils Cat was helping.

I’ve had to account for those little back chipmunk cheeks Bristle is starting to show, behind her main lipo area and chin implant.

Perhaps Perils Cat is pointing out that I never gave RAM a complete sex change. If you can call that plastic bulge a sex organ.

Caption contest

Given that I have once again run out of time on my latest photo shoot before heading out for more camping, I’m going to leave it to you guys to caption some of my photos. The lighting crew (me) didn’t do a very good job this time. That’s what happens when I try to hurry.  The makeup crew (me) was also in a hurry and did some sloppy work.

As people have probably heard, Bristle is going to be on Jay Leno this week.  I wasn’t able to create the other guest, Don Rickles, but I did get Jay and Bristle together.  Have fun with the captions. Setting up and photographing one of these posts is a ton of work, but I always have a blast with the captions. I’ve put numbers under the pictures so you can refer to the one you are captioning. And on that note, I’m off to the woods. Have a great weekend!

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Oregon Interlude

Leisure time.