Rogues’ Gallery

America’s Trainwreck Family lineup can be found here. Some family members have been portrayed by more than one plastic actor, usually due to unforeseen problems, such as hair that won’t take a frost, or white-out zombie makeup that won’t come off. Sometimes I simply find a doll I like better in a certain role. This gallery will also feature nonfamily characters, including “good guys,” who play key roles in the various stories.

Tawd

Scarah

DWTS Bristle

Arizona Bristle

This is my original Sarah doll. I gave up on her when I could not lighten her hair. I also gave her plastic surgery and a lobotomy. See picture below.

This is my next Sarah doll, mostly Sarahfied but still missing bangs, bumpit, and bangles.

Here is Sarah doll number one, after lobotomy and plastic surgery.

Here is my second Sarah doll, fully loaded with bangs, bumpit, bangles, and boots.

We were on our way to the Palin protest in Eugene, OR.

Here is the same doll before she was Sarahfied. I had already begun changing her personality but not her looks.

Here is an “artistic” picture of that Sarah doll.

My new temporary Sarah, in raw form. Several problems need to be addressed. Some are simple fixes, some are not. Sarah’s hair needs to be cut and styled into bumpit prom hair.

Sarah needs glasses. I just draw those on with sharpie. Her eyes are the wrong color, but that is typical. She looks too young, but the application of too much makeup usually fixes that.

Note the body shine. This is a hard-body Barbie. The soft bodies are easier to work with. This Barbie also doesn’t have bendy legs. That can be an issue. The big problem, that may only be solved with a saw, is the beach feet. Beach Barbies have big flat feet. They don’t fit in the Barbie shoes. They don’t fit in either of my pairs of Palin Fuck-Me Boots. The last Sarah was a soft-body Beach Barbie. I simply used scissors to hack most of her big feet off so that they would fit in the boots. Scissors won’t work on the hard-body. Ultimately, the lack of bendy legs and the problem with the feet are enough to make this a temporary Sarah.

Here’s the new Sarah with some work done. I’m kind of a sloppy makeup artist. I need finer marking pens. Anyway, I’ve temporarily solved my big foot problem. I will just use this for Sarah’s  “interviews”  that always just show her from the chest up. My newest doll will appear soon after she is Sarahfied.

I forgot to post newest Sarah when I finished her, but here she is in Israel.

The new Kens have “real” hair. I got this as a possible new baby daddy for Bristle, but I couldn’t find a suitable Ken to replace my zombie Todd. The other dork Ken I have is too smiley to be Todd. So I will trim this new guy’s hair, dye it black with a touch of gray, give him a mustache and goatee (I have to check Todd’s current hair fur status), and age him a bit.

As usual, the Ken doll is as stiff as a board, and I’m not talking genitalia.

I can’t stop laughing at this guy. I have my doubts about his Toddability.

Here’s my other dorky Ken doll, who was a recent visitor at Arizona Bristle’s patio party.

The original Todd, after zombification.

The cast of babies.

The little guy on big baby’s head played Trig in Sarah’s book tour episode.

Hybrid doll, after zombification. The original Barbie lost her head during an episode, so I topped her with a creepy clown head. That combo doll played the role of Megamouth Stapleton for numerous episodes. Now it is part of the permanent zombie horde.

My Sigmund Freud action figure has played the role of Keith Olbermann in several Plastic Mayhem episodes.

Catherine Zeta-Jones. Why? Well…just thought I’d insert a classy beauty in the midst of the trainwreck. She did have a role as an Alaskan Eskimo in Sarah’s book tour episode.

Blue dude. I found this action figure (Iron Man?) in the gutter one day. It cleaned right up and is fully functional. It played the role of the hapless security guy in Sarah’s book tour episode.

Sean Hannity, Sarah’s favorite talking head.

Mr. Spudnut

RAM

RAM

Bristle after corrective jaw surgery

Lots of corrective surgery. Medically necessary of course.

Bristle’s kids

Bristle and Zippy Trippy

Sarah at home

Home alone

Megamouth Stapletongue

Interview Sarah

Greta

Wendy Waitress

Piper Diaper

The Massey brothers

Bristle’s first ghostwriter

Bristle’s second ghostwriter

Jay Leno

Bristle on her book tour

Paul Revere

One Nation Piper

Updated Jessica Beehive

Half-marathon half-wit

Wine cooler Sarah with water bra

Newt

My most recent Tawd doll

Candidate Sarah 2008

State Fair Sarah circa 2006

Anonymous