Category Archives: British

A Christmas Story

On a warm morning in late September, a bouncing baby boy barbie was born. Mary and Joseph, the happy parents, had had to stop at an old grotto barn in the Judean Hills  because Mary’s water broke before they got to Bethlehem for the Carpentry Conference. The baby wasn’t due for a couple of weeks, and Bethlehem wasn’t far from home, so the couple thought they could fit in the conference. Baby boy barbie had other plans. Mary was going to miss the annual Carpenters’ Wives Potluck, and, as president of the CWA, her usual rousing speech would be missed. Joseph would be missing the windowsill workshop he had been looking forward to, but babies come when they decide to, and the hospital in Bethlehem was kind of scruffy anyway.

Lucky for them, Mary and Joseph encountered Myrrhy along the road to Bethlehem, and he told them his old barn and his new business were just around the bend. He also mentioned that he used to be a midwife, and that the barn was clean and comfy. Then he lent Joseph his cell phone so that Joseph could call Paul Revere and tell him that the time and location of the Birth Dinner would have to be changed. Paul was in charge of communications and security for PlasticLand, and he worked out of his mobile command center (red convertible). He promised to let the caterer know the new time and place.

Myrrhy got the couple settled in the barn, got some water boiling at his burger stand, and then coached Mary as she huffed and puffed and looked at her focal point. Joseph put some clean straw in the manger to use as a bed for the baby and coordinated a few more details on the phone with Paul while watching Mary push.  Little boy barbie popped out and the couple rejoiced. Myrrhy rejoiced. Much rejoicing.

Paul arrived and rejoiced. He brought his favorite wench from 1775 and she rejoiced too. Just then, Erma One Hand, the senior partner of Three Chefs Catering, arrived with the food truck, the play tent for the kids, and some coconut water to hydrate the new mom. Erma  had the tent up and the food out in no time. She got permission from Myrrhy to set up the bar at the burger stand, where it would be out of reach of the kids.

Tired new mom and dad brought little boy barbie out to enjoy the warm day and watch the party plans unfold. Their PlasticLand friends began to arrive, bringing more food and some presents. The sun was warm. Bees buzzed and birds twittered. The mood was festive as people welcomed the newest member of PlasticLand.

Little boy barbie looks around at the world.

Rin Tin Tin is impressed with baby boy barbie.

Erma finishes the kid’s tent.

Spot guards the food.

I think the wench is doing what is known as a “chest thrust.”

Erma has her act together.

Spot takes his job seriously.

Mom and dad relax in the sun.

Spot still guarding the food.

Paul arrives in his command car. Ring ring!! Blam blam!!

Erma is ready for a drink, if she can get past the chest thrust.

Erma admires little boy barbie.

Guests begin to arrive.

Dad takes little boy barbie so Mom can settle on her pillows and rest.

“Sit and rest, hon. Erma has some coconut water for you.”

Get a room!

Redhead is impressed with what Erma did in such a short time.  She wants to hire the Three Chefs for her parents’ 50th anniversary.

Spot guards the french fries.

Mom gets comfy.

Little boy barbie gets tucked into the manger.

Mom, Dad, and little boy barbie.

More guests arrive and want to see the baby.

What is Paul up to now?

Proud Dad shows off the baby.

The men talk about manly things.

Erma gets complimented on her nice spread.

Rin Tin Tin guards the food.

More guests, more congratulations, more kids.

The kids gather in the kid tent.

The party is really hopping now.

Guests continue to arrive.

KO arrives.

Rin Tin Tin plays with the kids.

KO tells a good story.

Everybody had something to eat. The desserts still beckon. Spot guards them.

KO talks to the ladies.

Rin Tin Tin helps Spot with guard duty.

The party is in full swing.

when up on the roof there arose such a clatter…

Aliens we have heard on high…

Paul heard from the alien on high, that those pesky British were annoyingly nigh…

Paul left little boy barbie’s present with the wench while he dashed off to chase away the British.

“Hurry back, Paul!”

“I’ll be back in a flash, wench!”

And sure enough, Paul ditched the pesky British and returned to give his gift to little boy barbie.

Mom showed off little boy barbie in his new hat.

What a handsome little boy barbie!

And the citizens of PlasticLand rejoiced.

Much rejoicing.

More rejoicing.

Lots of rejoicing.

Woohoo!!

Hooray for little boy barbie!

Little boy barbie is impressed with the rejoicing. He wants to grow up to be a good rejoicer.

Spot claims shotgun for the ride home.

And so it came to be that another citizen of PlasticLand was born and was rejoiced. And Peace descended upon the land.

Good luck, good friends, good health, good cheer, I’m wishing to you for the coming year!

Away in a manger, no cap for his head
The little boy Barbie turns blue and not red
The Paul Revere doll looked over and cried
“The British are coming! The baby must hide!

I’ll ring my bell loudly to lead them astray!
Blam blam and ring ring will keep them away!
My fine steed is lowing, whatever that is
Warning & ringing is always my biz!

Now that I’ve made such a rapturous noise
The angels on high will look after this boy
A hat for his head is what he needs most,
Angels don’t sew, yet miracles they boast!”

The Brits & their hounds soon thunder away
Blind to boy Barbie all snuggled in hay
Paul Revere cheers & knits a blue cap
To do so, the angels did find him an app!

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A Christmas Story

On a warm morning in late September, a bouncing baby boy barbie was born. Mary and Joseph, the happy parents, had had to stop at an old grotto barn in the Judean Hills  because Mary’s water broke before they got to Bethlehem for the Carpentry Conference. The baby wasn’t due for a couple of weeks, and Bethlehem wasn’t far from home, so the couple thought they could fit in the conference. Baby boy barbie had other plans. Mary was going to miss the annual Carpenters’ Wives Potluck, and, as president of the CWA, her usual rousing speech would be missed. Joseph would be missing the windowsill workshop he had been looking forward to, but babies come when they decide to, and the hospital in Bethlehem was kind of scruffy anyway.

Lucky for them, Mary and Joseph encountered Myrrhy along the road to Bethlehem, and he told them his old barn and his new business were just around the bend. He also mentioned that he used to be a midwife, and that the barn was clean and comfy. Then he lent Joseph his cell phone so that Joseph could call Paul Revere and tell him that the time and location of the Birth Dinner would have to be changed. Paul was in charge of communications and security for PlasticLand, and he worked out of his mobile command center (red convertible). He promised to let the caterer know the new time and place.

Myrrhy got the couple settled in the barn, got some water boiling at his burger stand, and then coached Mary as she huffed and puffed and looked at her focal point. Joseph put some clean straw in the manger to use as a bed for the baby and coordinated a few more details on the phone with Paul while watching Mary push.  Little boy barbie popped out and the couple rejoiced. Myrrhy rejoiced. Much rejoicing.

Paul arrived and rejoiced. He brought his favorite wench from 1775 and she rejoiced too. Just then, Erma One Hand, the senior partner of Three Chefs Catering, arrived with the food truck, the play tent for the kids, and some coconut water to hydrate the new mom. Erma  had the tent up and the food out in no time. She got permission from Myrrhy to set up the bar at the burger stand, where it would be out of reach of the kids.

Tired new mom and dad brought little boy barbie out to enjoy the warm day and watch the party plans unfold. Their PlasticLand friends began to arrive, bringing more food and some presents. The sun was warm. Bees buzzed and birds twittered. The mood was festive as people welcomed the newest member of PlasticLand.

Little boy barbie looks around at the world.

Rin Tin Tin is impressed with baby boy barbie.

Erma finishes the kid’s tent.

Spot guards the food.

I think the wench is doing what is known as a “chest thrust.”

Erma has her act together.

Spot takes his job seriously.

Mom and dad relax in the sun.

Spot still guarding the food.

Paul arrived in his command car. Ring ring!! Blam blam!!

Erma is ready for a drink, if she can get past the chest thrust.

Erma admires little boy barbie.

Guests begin to arrive.

Dad takes little boy barbie so Mom can settle on her pillows and rest.

“Sit and rest, hon. Erma has some coconut water for you.”

Get a room!

Redhead is impressed with what Erma did in such a short time.  She wants to hire the Three Chefs for her parents’ 50th anniversary.

Spot guards the french fries.

Mom gets comfy.

Little boy barbie gets tucked into the manger.

Mom, Dad, and little boy barbie.

More guests arrive and want to see the baby.

What is Paul up to now?

Proud Dad shows off the baby.

The men talk about manly things.

Erma gets complimented on her nice spread.

Rin Tin Tin guards the food.

More guests, more congratulations, more kids.

The kids gather in the kid tent.

The party is really hopping now.

Guests continue to arrive.

KO arrives.

Rin Tin Tin plays with the kids.

KO tells a good story.

Everybody had something to eat. The desserts still beckon. Spot guards them.

KO talks to the ladies.

Rin Tin Tin helps Spot with guard duty.

The party is in full swing.

when up on the roof there arose such a clatter…

Aliens we have heard on high…

Paul heard from the alien on high, that those pesky British were annoyingly nigh…

Paul left little boy barbie’s present with the wench while he dashed off to chase away the British.

“Hurry back, Paul!”

“I’ll be back in a flash, wench!”

And sure enough, Paul ditched the pesky British and returned to give his gift to little boy barbie.

Mom showed off little boy barbie in his new hat.

What a handsome little boy barbie!

And the citizens of PlasticLand rejoiced.

Much rejoicing.

More rejoicing.

Lots of rejoicing.

Woohoo!!

Hooray for little boy barbie!

Little boy barbie is impressed with the rejoicing. He wants to grow up to be a good rejoicer.

Spot claims shotgun for the ride home.

And so it came to be that another citizen of PlasticLand was born and was rejoiced. And Peace descended upon the land.

Good luck, good friends, good health, good cheer, I’m wishing to you for the coming year!

Away in a manger, no cap for his head
The little boy Barbie turns blue and not red
The Paul Revere doll looked over and cried
“The British are coming! The baby must hide!

I’ll ring my bell loudly to lead them astray!
Blam blam and ring ring will keep them away!
My fine steed is lowing, whatever that is
Warning & ringing is always my biz!

So I’ll jump in my command car
And with wind in my hair
I’ll lead those dang British
From here out to there!

Now that I’ve made such a rapturous noise
The angels on high will look after this boy
A hat for his head is what he needs most,
Angels don’t sew, yet miracles they boast!”

The Brits & their hounds soon thunder away
Blind to boy Barbie all snuggled in hay
Paul Revere cheers & knits a blue cap
To do so, the angels did find him an app!

A Christmas Story

On a warm morning in late September, a bouncing baby boy barbie was born. Mary and Joseph, the happy parents, had had to stop at an old grotto barn in the Judean Hills  because Mary’s water broke before they got to Bethlehem for the Carpentry Conference. The baby wasn’t due for a couple of weeks, and Bethlehem wasn’t far from home, so the couple thought they could fit in the conference. Baby boy barbie had other plans. Mary was going to miss the annual Carpenters’ Wives Potluck, and, as president of the CWA, her usual rousing speech would be missed. Joseph would be missing the windowsill workshop he had been looking forward to, but babies come when they decide to, and the hospital in Bethlehem was kind of scruffy anyway.

Lucky for them, Mary and Joseph encountered Myrrhy along the road to Bethlehem, and he told them his old barn and his new business were just around the bend. He also mentioned that he used to be a midwife, and that the barn was clean and comfy. Then he lent Joseph his cell phone so that Joseph could call Paul Revere and tell him that the time and location of the Birth Dinner would have to be changed. Paul was in charge of communications and security for PlasticLand, and he worked out of his mobile command center (red convertible). He promised to let the caterer know the new time and place.

Myrrhy got the couple settled in the barn, got some water boiling at his burger stand, and then coached Mary as she huffed and puffed and looked at her focal point. Joseph put some clean straw in the manger to use as a bed for the baby and coordinated a few more details on the phone with Paul while watching Mary push.  Little boy barbie popped out and the couple rejoiced. Myrrhy rejoiced. Much rejoicing.

Paul arrived and rejoiced. He brought his favorite wench from 1775 and she rejoiced too. Just then, Erma One Hand, the senior partner of Three Chefs Catering, arrived with the food truck, the play tent for the kids, and some coconut water to hydrate the new mom. Erma  had the tent up and the food out in no time. She got permission from Myrrhy to set up the bar at the burger stand, where it would be out of reach of the kids.

Tired new mom and dad brought little boy barbie out to enjoy the warm day and watch the party plans unfold. Their PlasticLand friends began to arrive, bringing more food and some presents. The sun was warm. Bees buzzed and birds twittered. The mood was festive as people welcomed the newest member of PlasticLand.

Little boy barbie looks around at the world.

Rin Tin Tin is impressed with baby boy barbie.

Erma finishes the kid’s tent.

Spot guards the food.

I think the wench is doing what is known as a “chest thrust.”

Erma has her act together.

Spot takes his job seriously.

Mom and dad relax in the sun.

Spot still guarding the food.

Paul arrived in his command car. Ring ring!! Blam blam!!

Erma is ready for a drink, if she can get past the chest thrust.

Erma admires little boy barbie.

Guests begin to arrive.

Dad takes little boy barbie so Mom can settle on her pillows and rest.

“Sit and rest, hon. Erma has some coconut water for you.”

Get a room!

Redhead is impressed with what Erma did in such a short time.  She wants to hire the Three Chefs for her parents’ 50th anniversary.

Spot guards the french fries.

Mom gets comfy.

Little boy barbie gets tucked into the manger.

Mom, Dad, and little boy barbie.

More guests arrive and want to see the baby.

What is Paul up to now?

Proud Dad shows off the baby.

The men talk about manly things.

Erma gets complimented on her nice spread.

Rin Tin Tin guards the food.

More guests, more congratulations, more kids.

The kids gather in the kid tent.

The party is really hopping now.

Guests continue to arrive.

KO arrives.

Rin Tin Tin plays with the kids.

KO tells a good story.

Everybody had something to eat. The desserts still beckon. Spot guards them.

KO talks to the ladies.

Rin Tin Tin helps Spot with guard duty.

The party is in full swing.

when up on the roof there arose such a clatter…

Aliens we have heard on high…

Paul heard from the alien on high, that those pesky British were annoyingly nigh…

Paul left little boy barbie’s present with the wench while he dashed off to chase away the British.

“Hurry back, Paul!”

“I’ll be back in a flash, wench!”

And sure enough, Paul ditched the pesky British and returned to give his gift to little boy barbie.

Mom showed off little boy barbie in his new hat.

What a handsome little boy barbie!

And the citizens of PlasticLand rejoiced.

Much rejoicing.

More rejoicing.

Lots of rejoicing.

Woohoo!!

Hooray for little boy barbie!

Little boy barbie is impressed with the rejoicing. He wants to grow up to be a good rejoicer.

Spot claims shotgun for the ride home.

And so it came to be that another citizen of PlasticLand was born and was rejoiced. And Peace descended upon the land.

Good luck, good friends, good health, good cheer, I’m wishing to you for the coming year!

Away in a manger, no cap for his head
The little boy Barbie turns blue and not red
The Paul Revere doll looked over and cried
“The British are coming! The baby must hide!

I’ll ring my bell loudly to lead them astray!
Blam blam and ring ring will keep them away!
My fine steed is lowing, whatever that is
Warning & ringing is always my biz!

So I’ll jump in my command car
And with wind in my hair
I’ll lead those dang British
From here out to there!

Now that I’ve made such a rapturous noise
The angels on high will look after this boy
A hat for his head is what he needs most,
Angels don’t sew, yet miracles they boast!”

The Brits & their hounds soon thunder away
Blind to boy Barbie all snuggled in hay
Paul Revere cheers & knits a blue cap
To do so, the angels did find him an app!

Paul Revere’s Midnight Ride: Updated again

On a cold, starry April night in 1775, Paul Revere was assigned the task of riding to Lexington to warn the British that the colonists were armed and were planning to stay that way. After first running through the streets of Boston shooting off his musket, blam blam (two if by sea) so that the citizens could unlock their musket safes and arm themselves to the teeth, Paul Revere swam across the Charleston River and borrowed a horse. He then galloped off into the night, ringin’ his bell and shootin’ his gun, loudly proclaiming, “The British are coming! Annie get your gun! Hey British dudes! We’re armed and you can’t have our guns!”

“Hey British! Hey British! We are armed!”

Blam Blam!! Ring Ring!!

Hey British, you can’t have our guns!!

Dream on, suckuhs!

Blam Blam!! Ring Ring!

During his ride, Paul happens upon a fair maiden who has run out to see what the ruckus is.

Fair Maiden:  Sire! What is happening?

Paul: Greetings fair maiden! I am warning the British that we colonists are armed.

Do you have your weapons loaded and ready?

Yes, sire, I have my trusty Smith and Wesson right here.

Excellent! Be sure to shoot it a bunch so those pesky British know you are armed. They’ll not get our guns!

Yes, sire, I shall fire with abandon!

Those British shall not have my weapon unless they pry it from my frigid lifeless digits!

That’s the spirit, lassie! I am off to warn the British that we mean business!

Ride hard my strong stallion! We must get to the British soon to warn them that we are armed!

Blam Blam!! Ring Ring!!

No man nor lass shall sleep tonight! Ring Ring!! Blam Blam!!

Update:   Someone named Elizabeth Ash wrote a poem and posted it on another blog:

Listen my children and you shall hear
Of the midnight ride of Paul Revere,
To warn the Brits, or what? Oh, dear
I cannot think, it’s not quite clear…

I have it now! And I will tell:
He rode, he shot, he rang the bell,
He told the Brits to go to hell
Defiant, proud and shooting swell.

Through the country dark he road
Through fair New Hampshire, so we’re told,
Through field and street, he was right bold
His rifle clutched, a vise-like hold.

“We armed, we’re armed!” he shouted wide,
He rang that bell as he did ride,
He shot the dark from side to side,
Uh, wait, I think that, uh, I lied.

Another poetry update. Sarah’s stupidity always brings out the creativity in people.

Saracudda Rewrites History
by Anne Sweeney

Listen my children and you shall hear
Of political crises so severe
Our nation is threatened as never before
By the specter of Ignorance at our door
It isn’t al Qaeda that poses a threat
Not Korea or Iran nor China and Nyet,
There’s little from Russia that we have to fear
Our liberty’s foes are located here.
The danger is coming – a terrible blight
It’s the Princess of Darkness, the Queen of the Right
Sarah Palin is loose and it’s more than her views
Or her spreading her lies all over Faux News
We thought her stupidity couldn’t be more
The election debacle, the media whore
The PACS and the clothes, the untalented daughter
And Levi, the First Dude and wildlife to slaughter
There’s drilling and shilling her book and her state
Sarah Palin’s Alaska – Oh give me a break!
The endorsements of candidates ready to run
They were all to the right of Attila the Hun
She doesn’t let anything stand in her way
Mamma Grizzly will vanquish that (b)witch Tina Fey
And Katy, and Rachel and Sawyer who dare
To suggest she’s got nothing ‘neath that pile of hair
She’s immune to ridicule, truth or good sense
She’s got her supporters all equally dense
The Tea Party loves her, what else does she need
They will back her whatever her word or her deed
How far she has gone to me is a mystery
How can you explain this reversal of history?
So Revere warned the British, my goodness who knew?
We will rewrite the textbooks, the word will get through!
Paul Revere was a traitor, Tea Baggers will claim
They will join stupid Sarah in trashing his name
And if liberals in Boston should start to protest,
We have ways of dealing – Saracudda knows best
And what of the Minutemen swooping like eagles?
They were from Arizona and hunting illegals
And Samuel Adams, we must make it clear
He did go to Harvard, so don’t drink his beer
Bunker Hill was a victory, The Redcoats were routed
The truth of that statement can never be doubted
And the Boston Tea Party – oh here’s to our cause!
It was all about taxes, and Obama’s laws
Founding Fathers were Christians so put on your blinkers
And ignore all the guys who were really freethinkers
For thinking’s not part of Sarah’s new quest
Rousing rabble and lying is what she does best
And as the Know Nothings do flock to her flag
Abandon all hope, for this ignorant hag
Will be quick to throw us right under the bus
We have met the enemy – you betcha. She’s us.